Perhaps you’ve heard of the toddler’s creed. (Google it if you haven’t. It’s priceless.) Written from a toddler’s perspective, every sentence ends in, “It’s mine.” With this in mind, I started musing about what the teenager’s creed might be. If you have teens, enjoy. If your kids aren’t that old yet, this
[...]
Forget heated seats and CD changers. The automobile feature I want is a passenger side brake. I am teaching yet another teen to drive and find myself very envious of those marvelous driver’s ed cars. I feel ridiculous riding along and stomping at thin air in an effort to slow the car. In
[...]
Did anyone hear John Mayer’s recent rant about his past loves? What a cad! From this point forward, no self respecting woman will ever date him. (Fortunately for Mr. Mayer, there are many women without self respect left for him to choose from.)
Confession time: I didn’t really know who he was until I googled
[...]
Someone once suggested I read a book on the needs of both women and men. In a single book, the basic needs of women were discussed along side those of men. I remember thinking the portion of the book detailing the needs of men must be brief. I do realize my knowledge is limited
[...]
Many of my friends dated great romancers— guys who always knew just what to say and which gifts to buy. Many of them ended up marrying men who would eventually break their hearts. (It seemed their husbands were good at romancing other women too.)
There was no such bait and switch in
[...]
We enter adolescence as little girls and emerge as women with fully functioning lady parts. We have no control over this process. Like it or not, we grow breasts and everything that goes with them. I wonder how many of us would have agreed to this, if we had been given a choice.
Really,
[...]
At 43, there are few firsts left in life. This week, I experienced a first— my first massage. To this point, I have avoided massages, even re-gifting a massage gift certificate that was intended for me. The idea of getting nearly naked having a stranger touch me has never been appealing. I don’t even
[...]
I have planned my own funeral. I do realize that most people choose to leave this task to their survivors but why leave to others what you can do better yourself? I have very good reasons for planning my own memorial. First, I am a control freak and I know that no one will get
[...]
Hello. This is Jane Martin calling from Northwest Ohio Family Planning. A young, sexually active girl recently came into our offices, reporting a case of venereal disease. I’m calling today to let you know that she has listed you as one of her sexual partners. Untreated, VD can lead to blindness, sterility or even death.
[...]
I’m quite certain I have an over-active maternal gland. You may scoff at me now, but someday, I will be known as the person who first recognized this syndrome. While the defective gene has yet to be located, there is strong anecdotal evidence that such a disorder exists. One need only look to the
[...]
